Quickly - I just realized that I'm getting off of the LSE merry-go-round and I'm not liking anyone else for the rest of the year who doesn't like me back. That is it for now. Just wanted to get that little thought bubble out there before it dissipates and I find myself longingly looking after a guy who doesn't like me back.
Ahhhhhh, this is what relief feels like. I am finally giving up all of the control I've expended to try to get a relationship to work that just won't. Not sure why it won't, but alas we can't know everything only what we do know. And, I know that I've crushed hard for 2 years on this fellow and although we're quite friendly, I don't think we're even friends. It's time to move on...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Putting Quill to Paper
I'll make this short - I'm going to start writing again. I think it's going to be a vampire tale and maybe even a YA novel/series. I'm excited...
Monday, May 11, 2009
Weekend Happenings
I had a really enjoyable weekend. It started off with a book signing at Wacko in Los Feliz. I was able to get a book signed by a co-worker and awesome artist Miss Mindy. She even drew me a mermaid that my roomie and best friend Amber insists looks like me. It's cute, so I don't mind agreeing with Amber. I had never been to Wacko/Soap Plant/ Gallery de La Jesus before, but I am definitely going back. It's a bookstore and gallery space. I found myself drawn to Lyle Motle's works in the gallery and also the design books featuring 1960s furniture.
Following the signing I tagged along with Amber and her date Bryan to watch the Lakers game at Bryan's friends place. It was actually not awkward at all being the third wheel. I think the tasty blood orange margaritas helped with that. Even though I work around hundreds of artists I rarely hang out with them outside of work, so it was interesting to chat with the artists and see animation from their point of view. One girl was sketching/doodling nudes the whole time - so interesting to be able to draw a few lines and it actually looks like something. She designs props on Chowder. We left around 10:30p and headed to In-N-Out. I have to say it's the perfect way to end a Friday night.
Saturday, I skipped my normal morning exercise in favor of sleeping in. After chatting with Venus to confirm Saturday night plans got dressed in a all brown ensemble. I had like four different tones of Brown going on, but I actually liked it and I also like my skirt length which meant I could go without leggings. Amber and I headed to IKEA in Burbank and did a little bedroom shopping. Amber found some great deep purple/plumb sheets. I bought bedding a couple of weeks ago, so I was just looking. We finished early, so we called Venus up to see if she wanted to hang out a bit earlier than previously planned. She was up for it, so we drove to WeHo to pick her up and then headed to Hollywood & Highland. There really isn't much to hold my attention at Hollywood & Highland. There isn't a bookstore there that you can get lost in for hours. We had about 4 hours to kill, so we opted for this internet/gaming cafe uWink. I was skeptical at first. I like technology, but I am always skeptical with things that are too "cool" and pseudo futuristic. Each table/booth is set-up with double sided touch computer screens. You can play games/order food and pay your check from the screens. It actually turned out to be pretty fun. We played group games and turned individual games into group games and easily killed 3 hours. And I must say this was the easiest group checkout ever. The computer itemizes everyones orders and then you just swipe your card to pay for your food. After uWink we met our friend Kingslee at Kitchen 24 on Cahuenga. We've been looking for a restaurant to replace our beloved Doughboys and I think we may have found it. I have this secret affinity for the color combo of Pink and Brown. I think it stems from one of my favorite books as a kid. I even did my bedroom in Oakland in these colors. Anyway the restaurant is decorated in these colors it's like Neapolitan ice cream. It's like a Pink & Brown dream. The food was really good too and the patrons were all really attractive. It's like this is why I live in LA. I ordered a BLT with fries that were perfect. Kings and I also ordered ginger mojitos which were delicious. The conversation was really good. As always the topic turned towards relationships. I was surprised when everyone thought that I would be the easiest person to be in a relationship with. Surprised because I've never been in a serious relationship. But it did make me feel good that they thought that. It gives me more confidence to maybe make my next relationship a more serious permanent thing. Moving along. We left around 9pm and headed to Paramount Movie Studio to see Star Trek. It was pretty good. I actually want to see the old series now, because the characters in the movie intrigued me.
Sunday was super lazy. I woke up early just to call my mom to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and then I fell back to sleep. I wanted to go to church, but my body wanted to sleep in more. I finally crawled out of bed around 11:30am. But, I didn't crawl too far - just to my living room couch. I enjoyed a big bowl of cereal and got caught up on my teen tv shows like Gossip Girl and 90210 v. 2.0. Around 4:30pm I decided that I needed to do something with my day like get dressed, so I showered and got dressed. Then I took a walk around my neighborhood. I walked to the Huntington Botanical Gardens and Library. It was such a lovely walk. The honeysuckle smelled delicious. The houses were gorgeous. The weather was perfect and the people along the way looked happy. It was just really enjoyable. I went tot he grocery and bought crab legs and corn on the cob for dinner. It was beyond delicious.
And now I get to work from home, so my weekend continues - kind of.
Until next time...
Following the signing I tagged along with Amber and her date Bryan to watch the Lakers game at Bryan's friends place. It was actually not awkward at all being the third wheel. I think the tasty blood orange margaritas helped with that. Even though I work around hundreds of artists I rarely hang out with them outside of work, so it was interesting to chat with the artists and see animation from their point of view. One girl was sketching/doodling nudes the whole time - so interesting to be able to draw a few lines and it actually looks like something. She designs props on Chowder. We left around 10:30p and headed to In-N-Out. I have to say it's the perfect way to end a Friday night.
Saturday, I skipped my normal morning exercise in favor of sleeping in. After chatting with Venus to confirm Saturday night plans got dressed in a all brown ensemble. I had like four different tones of Brown going on, but I actually liked it and I also like my skirt length which meant I could go without leggings. Amber and I headed to IKEA in Burbank and did a little bedroom shopping. Amber found some great deep purple/plumb sheets. I bought bedding a couple of weeks ago, so I was just looking. We finished early, so we called Venus up to see if she wanted to hang out a bit earlier than previously planned. She was up for it, so we drove to WeHo to pick her up and then headed to Hollywood & Highland. There really isn't much to hold my attention at Hollywood & Highland. There isn't a bookstore there that you can get lost in for hours. We had about 4 hours to kill, so we opted for this internet/gaming cafe uWink. I was skeptical at first. I like technology, but I am always skeptical with things that are too "cool" and pseudo futuristic. Each table/booth is set-up with double sided touch computer screens. You can play games/order food and pay your check from the screens. It actually turned out to be pretty fun. We played group games and turned individual games into group games and easily killed 3 hours. And I must say this was the easiest group checkout ever. The computer itemizes everyones orders and then you just swipe your card to pay for your food. After uWink we met our friend Kingslee at Kitchen 24 on Cahuenga. We've been looking for a restaurant to replace our beloved Doughboys and I think we may have found it. I have this secret affinity for the color combo of Pink and Brown. I think it stems from one of my favorite books as a kid. I even did my bedroom in Oakland in these colors. Anyway the restaurant is decorated in these colors it's like Neapolitan ice cream. It's like a Pink & Brown dream. The food was really good too and the patrons were all really attractive. It's like this is why I live in LA. I ordered a BLT with fries that were perfect. Kings and I also ordered ginger mojitos which were delicious. The conversation was really good. As always the topic turned towards relationships. I was surprised when everyone thought that I would be the easiest person to be in a relationship with. Surprised because I've never been in a serious relationship. But it did make me feel good that they thought that. It gives me more confidence to maybe make my next relationship a more serious permanent thing. Moving along. We left around 9pm and headed to Paramount Movie Studio to see Star Trek. It was pretty good. I actually want to see the old series now, because the characters in the movie intrigued me.
Sunday was super lazy. I woke up early just to call my mom to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and then I fell back to sleep. I wanted to go to church, but my body wanted to sleep in more. I finally crawled out of bed around 11:30am. But, I didn't crawl too far - just to my living room couch. I enjoyed a big bowl of cereal and got caught up on my teen tv shows like Gossip Girl and 90210 v. 2.0. Around 4:30pm I decided that I needed to do something with my day like get dressed, so I showered and got dressed. Then I took a walk around my neighborhood. I walked to the Huntington Botanical Gardens and Library. It was such a lovely walk. The honeysuckle smelled delicious. The houses were gorgeous. The weather was perfect and the people along the way looked happy. It was just really enjoyable. I went tot he grocery and bought crab legs and corn on the cob for dinner. It was beyond delicious.
And now I get to work from home, so my weekend continues - kind of.
Until next time...
Friday, April 17, 2009
Twitterpated
I started tweeting on Twitter this week :)
Now, it may go down as just another social networking site that I don't use, but it's kind of liberating to post 140 character or less updates. Unlike facebook, no one is following me on Twitter, so don't feel self conscious when i tweet.
I think I'll keep my followers low, so as not to hamper my thoughts with the thought of people reading my little mind arts.
kinda like this blog...
Now, it may go down as just another social networking site that I don't use, but it's kind of liberating to post 140 character or less updates. Unlike facebook, no one is following me on Twitter, so don't feel self conscious when i tweet.
I think I'll keep my followers low, so as not to hamper my thoughts with the thought of people reading my little mind arts.
kinda like this blog...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
In Neutral
In an effort to blog more I've decided to start blogging about the every day minutia. I'm not going to wait for epiphanies any longer. I'm just going to write what's happening in the moment. I haven't had a car for the past year. I was rolling my parents old '97 plum colored Ford Taurus which I had affectionately named Gladys. I had also decided that Gladys drank brandy and smoked Virginia Slims. It was an OK ride. It wasn't my Mustang, but it did have power windows and doors, which my Mustang did not. I must write before I go on that my Mustang was totaled in an accident in 2006. Since then I've kind of bounced around from using my parents' old cars/current cars to using friends old/current cars to using LA public transit to using my feet. Anyways, I digress. I was happily driving Gladys to a from work and to all social activities until the tranny went kaput. My parents being the generous and kind souls that they are paid to have the tranny fixed and I was on the road again for a week. And then the unthinkable happened - I ran over a piece of metal in the road that destroyed my new $3400 tranny! I was devastated and obviously car less. My parents couldn't afford to give me more money for a new car.
My roomie and dear friend Amber came to the rescue when I had to sell my non-running Gladys to a neighbor. Amber had recently been given her dad's old Infiniti G35. A really nice luxury car, so she wasn't driving her '99 VW Jetta any longer. It was sitting on our street adorably collecting dust. She was tired of giving me rides to work since i tend to run on average 10-15mins late for everything, so she let me borrow her car Lady Balue. I loved driving the little lady around. I figured out that I'm totally simple when it comes to cars - i like little cars that you can park easily :). Well it was fun driving Lady except for the past due registration problem and then Amber's sister took her over by surprise right when September started. I was at the mercy of the Public Transportation system for the first time in my adult life.
I navigated the train system to and from work, mostly from work since I hitched rides with Amber to work. I usually kept my socializing local in Pasadena. There is a lot to walk to there. But I was missing the freedom of wheels. At one point my dad said I could use his truck, but then he said no. Finally I was able to use my friends Mercedes Diesel when she moved away to D.C.. I was elated. Sure the car is almost as old as me but it totally has character and a kind of cool hipster vibe. I have fallen in love with the powder blue 2 door Mercedes 300cd that I affectionately call Phoebe. Well, I had fallen in love with her until she befell my car curse. Phoebes has also come down with a case of the tranny virus. Her tranny is kaput and I was kaput when I got the estimate for it yesterday. I am car less once again and this one isn't even my car. Obviously I didn't do anything to the car in the 2 months I've had to destroy the tranny, but I still feel so bad because I know how much it sucks to have to pay that much money for something to get fixed on your car.
I am public transportationing it again. I hate it. I'm trying to be positive, but I already miss my daily walks at the Rose Bowl. I long for the freedom to hit up Little Tokyo on a Thursday night and sing my heart out at karaoke until 2 a.m.. I am determined to actually buy my own car this time. I have realized how having a car - my own car is intrinsic to my well being. Until then I guess I am just a foot soldier...
My roomie and dear friend Amber came to the rescue when I had to sell my non-running Gladys to a neighbor. Amber had recently been given her dad's old Infiniti G35. A really nice luxury car, so she wasn't driving her '99 VW Jetta any longer. It was sitting on our street adorably collecting dust. She was tired of giving me rides to work since i tend to run on average 10-15mins late for everything, so she let me borrow her car Lady Balue. I loved driving the little lady around. I figured out that I'm totally simple when it comes to cars - i like little cars that you can park easily :). Well it was fun driving Lady except for the past due registration problem and then Amber's sister took her over by surprise right when September started. I was at the mercy of the Public Transportation system for the first time in my adult life.
I navigated the train system to and from work, mostly from work since I hitched rides with Amber to work. I usually kept my socializing local in Pasadena. There is a lot to walk to there. But I was missing the freedom of wheels. At one point my dad said I could use his truck, but then he said no. Finally I was able to use my friends Mercedes Diesel when she moved away to D.C.. I was elated. Sure the car is almost as old as me but it totally has character and a kind of cool hipster vibe. I have fallen in love with the powder blue 2 door Mercedes 300cd that I affectionately call Phoebe. Well, I had fallen in love with her until she befell my car curse. Phoebes has also come down with a case of the tranny virus. Her tranny is kaput and I was kaput when I got the estimate for it yesterday. I am car less once again and this one isn't even my car. Obviously I didn't do anything to the car in the 2 months I've had to destroy the tranny, but I still feel so bad because I know how much it sucks to have to pay that much money for something to get fixed on your car.
I am public transportationing it again. I hate it. I'm trying to be positive, but I already miss my daily walks at the Rose Bowl. I long for the freedom to hit up Little Tokyo on a Thursday night and sing my heart out at karaoke until 2 a.m.. I am determined to actually buy my own car this time. I have realized how having a car - my own car is intrinsic to my well being. Until then I guess I am just a foot soldier...
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
A New Day
It's been an amazing 21 months and finally we have a new President: Barack Obama. I won't pretend to be eloquent but the best moment of today is realizing that it is also my grandma's 90th birthday. I know she was watching over the proceedings:) The second best part: giving the news to my parents at 8pm PST that Barack Obama had secured enough of the electoral college to be declared our 44th President. There were shouts of joy and then silence on the other end of the line. I thought my parents fainted. It felt special to celebrate with them.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Oh God, You Devil
So, I've been struggling for the past 8 months. I've downsized in every way imaginable and I am still barely breathing. I moved into a smaller place. I no longer have a car. I buy any clothes that I get from Target, yet I'm drowning. I feel like I've been cast out to sea with no safety net or safe harbor to rest my weary head upon. I'm longing for a lighthouse to guide me back to shore. I started attending church again because I felt like I had no soul. I was constantly searching for fulfillment in things and situations which left me feeling pretty shallow. So, I'm back at church, but it's not wholly fulfilling. On Sunday I didn't walk out of there feeling like I was filled up. It's even hard for me to pray right now. I'm so numb and alternately anxious all at once. It's like I keep repeating over an over again - "I'm not a bad person, why is this happening to me?" Happiness, ease and contentment are foreign words to me. I feel good when I'm working out, but even that has recently become a tense endeavor. Amber's registration expired in June and so for the past month every time I drive to the Rose Bowl my eyes are constantly darting around for fear that I'll be stopped by the cops. And to top things off someone swiped Amber's side view mirror on Thursday, so now I can't even go to the Rose Bowl. I'm paralyzed. Nothing seems to work. I've borrowed a lot of money from my parents in the past month and I still need more. I am so upset with God right now for this shit storm. I keep wanting things to be fixed and I keep thinking oh, this has got to be it - it can't get any worse, but it does. Each week is a new lesson in humiliation. At moments I realize that it's not God's job to make things better. And I realize that it's my own fault for thinking of God like the Wizard of Oz as a bearer of palpable gifts: money, boyfriend, new car, svelt figure. God has never promised any of those things. This is why I always lose patience with God and am seduced by the devil? God's Promise is everlasting life, which is hard when this life is hard enough...
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